It's not like I am alone...
But once you tap into that lonely feeling its hard to get rid of it for good.
It's not like I have no worth...
But still the same feeling of being a useless secondhand friend.
Nor is it like I am lonely...
I have friends, family and a home to go to.
But STILL that same agoning feeling of being neglected and forgotten.
My brother for instant, he moved here he gets attention, gets to be in my aunts band and gets along with my mum
without a problem.
This surely does not have anything to do with me but still I feel like I'm fighting to even breathe.
I envy him, though I know he does not always feel so happy, he still got things I don't no matter what I do.
I am the first child of my siblings, and the only one without a father. I simply cannot connect with mums husband.
Don't get me wrong I don't dislike him, he's a really nice person yet he's also very far away from being a dad for me.
I am happy for mum cause I think she really deserves to be happy and married to someone who deserves her and makes her happy.
Me on the other hand haven't had any relationship in 3 years. I kind of hate my situation of this relationshipstatus...
Why? well... I get to hear the same shit where ever I go " How can someone like you be single" or "You're so fine" etc. but still NO ONE HAS THE BALLS TO CHANGE THAT!?
I know for a fact I'm not a bad girlfriend, I mean I'm really too nice. I can even cook awesome food.
Maybe I'm scary cause I'd know when they make mistakes?
No wonder when they are too obvious about their feelings? I mean I am sensitive to changing behaviours. But I am forgiving too if they are worth it.
It's especially obvious when I start to miss something they used to do... I'd start to say I'd miss that little thing. Little things count, little things makes you happy yes little things also makes a difference they should know that.
You know, I got feelings too.